walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
