Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
