Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
