I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
