Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize