I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
