The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
