Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
