Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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