??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
