if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize