i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize