we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
