She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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