When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
