miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Acid is not a monday night drug
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
