I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
