If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
