I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
