FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
