that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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