I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
