this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
