Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
