summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
