We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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