my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
