I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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