Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
