Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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