whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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