Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The uberlube is also flammable
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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