Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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