i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize