Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
