I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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