we have pet lesbian snakes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
