Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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