I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
