just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
