why didn't you poke me back
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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