i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
