i may or may not be watching the land before time
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
