i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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