I'm really into asian looking animals
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I didn't notice because vodka
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
