I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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