Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize