Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You took a bar mat shot.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
