It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
