So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize