Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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