My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
