1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
