we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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