i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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