my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The Olympian is in my bed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
