this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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