when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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