Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
