is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
